I have!!! And I'm in love with all of the animated gifs. If you know me I'm a little more dramatic than the average person. Last night I told Lilli to tell her story to daddy, and she said, "Will you tell it? You always make it more dramatic." I almost fell out of my chair. I finally admitted it. But I had to know, "Who is more dramatic, me or Aunt Lindsay?" Hehe
The other day I was in need of a dramatic gif. It felt like life was falling apart and I just couldn't keep up. Mom's you know what I'm talking about. The beginning of the school year, but add chronic illness to that... times 3. My lyme brain has been failing me a lot lately. One day I completely passed out and woke to a phone call from the office telling me I had missed ‘kiss and ride’, and I needed to come get my children. I've had a few phone calls from the school. I'm so embarrassed. This is not who I want to be known as. I mean, my mom's a teacher! I know how they talk about moms like I'm trying not to be. So I sent out a gif. I sent it to my husband. Well, I felt I had to send it to my girlfriends. It was how I felt. I felt defeated and needed someone to take over, because... I....can't.... do..... it.
It was Carrie Underwood singing, "Jesus take the Wheel" over and over and over and over. You know how it works, but I didn't want to make you dizzy while reading as it streamed over and over.
My children were struggling symptomatically with Lyme in school and that's a brutal thing to go through. I wanted it to be easy for them, or at least manageable while keeping them in the classroom. I was still comparing this new school to our old amazing school T Clay Wood. I was just praying there would be a teacher that was close to Mrs. Gilbert. I told Lilli before we left the old school that she will likely never have another teacher like Mrs. Gilbert. She was a life changer. I've been juggling my own symptoms while trying to be there for my husband and daughters.
After I sent that gif I just stared at it run over and over as I waited in line at the kiss and ride for my children. It was my prayer and it's all I could say to Him. It was a simple request, or rather just a simple sentence. The request was far more complicated.
Well let me just tell you. God answers the shortest prayer and the most complicated need.
That very next day, still in distress, I opened an email from the school nurse urging me to do what I promised to do but have yet to do. I said that I would bring medicines that my children could freely come to the clinic to take when they were having symptoms of lyme. Lyme brain can revert you to childlike behavior. I knew that I needed to do this, but I needed someone to tell me again with urgency. She didn't have to send that e-mail. So guess what that means...
Jesus was taking the wheel.
This nurse was amazing! She was the head nurse over several schools. I had been disappointed because the one time Lilli went to the clinic with a headache, the full time nurse laid her down with a cold compress for 30 minutes. This is the worst thing you could do for Lilli. Haha! But the head nurse talked me through EVERYTHING. I brought a list of 100 possible symptoms with lyme, and she went through each symptom with me and circled it with either L or R for which was Lilli or Reese. I explained each of their needs and she assured me that we could change the health plan as often as they needed as Lyme is ever changing. I asked her, "How do you know the severity of Lyme? Most think it's just a joint pain problem or a longer flu." She said, "Oh my neighbor has it just as ‘pacemaker’ bad as you." Can I just say it again!?
Jesus take the wheel!
After I picked up my children I came home with a bit of stress, as this same night I would have to go to Lilli's school for parent’s night out (we would get to see what they were doing in class.) I had to go. Amber said that I had to show them I was 100% trying to be there despite what we are going through. So... I needed a nap to make this happen. Can I just tell you that any other day I could have easily taken a nap? But on this day Reese wanted me to babysit her baby doll. “Okay sweetie, baby is going to take a nap with the babysitter. You just go to work now.” It just didn't work out that way, as she continued to chat with me. Time sped by and we had to leave. Okay Jesus, I don't have a choice. Let's do this.
I get there and sit down at Lilli's desk with a lovely letter. It was decorated with crayola colored rainbows and clouds. I just knew this was a scrapbook keeper. As I started to read the first sentence my heart leaped with delight, and onto the next, I was ecstatic! I couldn't get past the second one as I jumped up to grab Mrs. King's attention. You see, Lilli had tears the first day and Mrs. King pulled her out to see if she was okay. She didn't just have tears; she was wailing. "Mrs. King Mrs. King! You have to see what Lilli wrote! She says that she loves you and thinks you are funny. She says that you tell funny off subject stories just like Mrs. Gilbert did!" After I tell her who Mrs. Gilbert is she squeezes Lilli tight and says, "Oh wow I'm in the Mrs. Gilbert group." Not that she knew who she was, but Lilli and I do. And no one surpasses Mrs. Gilbert. She taught Lilli two years in a row and was THE teacher for Lilli. My heart is really pumping with excitement as I sit down to finish the letter. She says that fourth grade is not as hard as she thought it would be! I just couldn't have made this happen, only HE could...
Jesus took the wheel!
That was just day one! However, I knew that tomorrow I really needed God’s grace. I did more than I normally am able in one day, and the next day I may crash. I don’t know what kind of crash it may be is what concerns me. We woke as a family to an unexpected number of pressing the snooze button. We were late. It was a rat race, but we accomplished it. As I waved to my family, I considered lying down and was reminded that I had an appointment in Leesburg for my heart. Matt called and asked me to meet him for lunch after. Oh I just can’t. I just can’t. I want to, but I’ve spent my spoons (chronic illness lingo).
I get to my heart appointment and flop my arm up on the check in desk. “Altizer” “Date of birth?” Oh dear, she keeps looking, scrolling and clicking. I’ve been here before. “Ma’am you don’t have an appointment until the 26th.” I plop my head face down. Not again. She was so kind in cheering me up with her kind of week that made me laugh. Although I’m not sure she was laughing. Her dog had eaten chicken bones out of the trashcan and cost her $489, just to be exact. Okay, I’ll go have lunch with my husband. She said, “Good idea, and have a glass of wine.” She was so cute.
As I was driving towards home, I was making my plans. I get a text from my nurse, ‘Sarah, I’ll be at your house at 11am, okay?’ Oh my goodness, thank you Jesus, I would have missed my dressing change for my IV port! I was still trying to make my own plans. I’m up and moving, okay maybe I can make lunch with Lilli and Matt. I was near subway, so I stopped to get Lilli’s favorite food a foot long steak and cheese. Her lunch was at 11:30am; it would be perfect. Then I would meet Matt.
My nurse and I have built a wonderful relationship as she’s been coming every week for over a year now; she’s my friend. Well, she came and changed my dressing, but she also came with her frustrations with her family. She didn’t leave until 12:15pm, so my plans were shot. Trust me, I was eager to hear and thought nothing of my former plans.
She is from Bolivia, and her niece recently married there. I’ll call my nurse Kaila, as she doesn’t know I’m using her story. Kaila and her husband paid for most of the wedding, and they have really supported her. Kaila’s sister passed away, so she has took pleasure in helping her niece. However, her niece has not been appreciative and has been quite a pill over some family estate. I won’t go into detail as it isn’t relative to my point. My point is that her niece has recently become a charismatic Christian calling on Christ as her savior. She does a lot for her church, but her fruits are not showing outside of church. Kaila was just telling me how she didn’t understand how she could put so much into church but not take care of her life or family. I told her that it was interesting that she was telling me this because God was convicting me earlier to put my family over all of this church stuff I keep wanting to do. Kaila is Catholic and goes to God through Mary and the Saints, so she doesn’t understand her niece. Kaila knows how devout I am to Christ, so she was somewhat asking me, why oh why? My answer is that we are sinners but some Christians aren’t very good models to view Christ. I told her that I would pray for her and this situation. She said, “Thank you Sarah I just knew you would understand. Thank you for praying, oh but I know you forget too.” That’s when the Holy Spirit convicted me again!
Sarah put God first, then family, and ministry comes last.
So instead of spending that last amount of time and energy that I didn’t think I would have this morning to see Matt, I spent it with the Lord in His Word. Then I texted her later and told her how I’ve been praying for her since she left. I told her that I prayed God would do a miraculous work in her situation.
I asked God if writing and sharing was spending time with Him and worshipping Him and He said YES! So I have spent my day sharing with you how
Jesus has certainly taken the wheel these last two days.
The Lord has reminded me that I desperately need Him to be first in my life. He has reminded me why I tattooed Proverbs 3:5-6 to my wrist.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Sum that all up? "Jesus take the wheel"