I Care More About Your Character Than Your Feelings

I'm more interested in your character than your feelings

The words my grandmother spoke to me 9 years ago often ring in my ears. She looked into my 1 1/2 year old daughter's eyes and said, "Well sweetheart, you're still learning." Lilli had obviously done something dramatic and out of line. To my grandma it was simple, but she has no idea to this day how much that has affected my parenting. 

We are all still learning.

Lately, every time I correct one of the girls, they say, "Mom, you're hurting my feelings and you don't care." I have always felt terrible for hurting their feelings, but I knew I had to discipline (prov. 13:24, Hebrews 12:11, Prov 22:15, Eph 6:4). Lord help me know what to do. I felt defeated. I felt like they didn't hear me, and I don't like to hurt them. Seriously, discipline is just as hard on the parents, if not harder!! I tell my girls, "I don't want you to grow up as brats!" Whether you spank, timeout, or simply correct, they have to throw it in your face like you are the most terrible parent! And with all of that, you have to trust you are doing the right thing. I mean how hard can it get??!

I've prayed over this, and the Holy Spirit says to me, "Sarah you should care more about their character than their feelings, as I care for your character over your pain." 

Facebook can be so deceiving. A picture is great at lying, happy kids and parents, always doing stuff together. They look nearly perfect, with minimal struggle. Birthdays where no one cries, school days with no morning fights, no little liars, manipulation, or deceit. Need I say more? Facebook never helped me in my parenting. Scrolling always made me feel as if I don't measure up. And, to be vulnerable? to share my struggles in discipline, in parenting, in life? That's so difficult when hardly anyone else is transparent. Maybe all the others really do have it all together. Comment if you feel the same. Maybe we can encourage one another. 

Character.

"I'm interested in your character, not your feelings. I'm going to be your mom that is raising you up in the way that is pleasing to the Lord." ​

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Steps to Healthy Biblical Discipline:

1. Correct in a calm voice 2-3 times (yes, you heard that right. I can fly off the handle right away sometimes) 

James 1:19-20 Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

2. Consider your words, that they are correcting but also edifying. Speak the truth in Love.

Eph 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

3. Hold hands and pray with your child. Do expect him/her to reject, as they are being tempted by the enemy to do wrong. Prayer will break this. I used to take this rejection so personally, like what am I doing wrong that they don't want to pray? We still have an adversary out there, especially trying to grab the young ones.

Thes 5:16 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

4.  Make sure you punish with the consequence fitting the sin. If we punish further than what is necessary, then you create fear in the child.

Eph 6:4. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

5. Do not threaten unreasonable punishments that you know are impossible. For example, you won't get to go to Disney World if... Obviously, this is unrealistic if the trip is planned. (Haven't we all spoke before thinking)

Luke 14:28-30 For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it—lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, "This man began to build and was not able to finish." 

5. Follow through with your punishment. It's nice to give them some mercy, but don't completely take away the punishment (I've totally done this!) 

Luke 6:36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

6. Follow up with a hug and tell them how much you love them.  This is my favorite verse that I tell my kids. Lilli used to say with a loud pouty voice, "That doesn't make any sense!"

Hebrews 12:6 For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child."

We can do this moms and dads!! Let's be more vulnerable, so we can share and raise great children that learn vulnerability and transparency. 
Luke 12:2
"But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known.

Denial is never good. Sweeping things under the rug accomplishes nothing other than festering temptation, leading to sin that's hard to identify it's roots.