I now get it. I understand. I was brought low too. I have never felt a depression (at least that I can remember) that caused me to buckle to my knees in that type of extreme sadness. It's not fun. It is so hard on the family, especially your closest one (Matt). He was so good and he got us through, but I had to allow him the anger afterwards. Once I snapped out of this sad state, he needed to be alone a little. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful husband. We see the value in our loved ones especially through illness.
My heart doctor, in trying to figure out my heart issues, took me off of my longterm anxiety/depression drug Cymbalta. At first, I blamed him. But what I've come to realize is that God did this, and God wanted me to feel compassion for you. He wanted me to go through what you go through. I would cry and say to Matt, "The Lord is trying to show me something. I just don't know what it is yet." But it was simply to comfort, connect and relate to you :)
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
He knows what you are going through; He has felt your pain. Friends and family told me, "Oh Sarah, you are so strong. Stay positive." The funny thing is, I lie. I lie all the time. Is that wrong? I was sad for my kids, because I can't take them to the park. I have to tell them I can't take them basically anywhere because the trip will make me sick. We had plans to go to Great Wolf Lodge (which we have made a Thanksgiving family tradition), but we couldn't go because I got an IV in my arm and wouldn't be able to get in the water. We had to cut our vacation short because of me. My husband begs me to go out with friends. If I tell you I'm fine, 95% of the time, it's not true. Life isn't positive right now. I'm sick, but I look well on the outside. We are in a valley and it's hard. And all of this during the season of depression was magnified. It was so big and made me so sad. To make things worse, I was in extreme pain all over my body. The Cymbalta was also treating my chronic pain. I had not realized how desperately I needed this drug.
I understand that mental illness is a controversial subject and it can be embarrassing. But the reality is, it is real. Matt always comforts me as a husband should, "Sarah, if you have a broken leg, would you not go to the doctor for a cast? Then go to the doctor to get the chemical replaced in your brain." My best friend helped me through this 4 years ago. I am so grateful for her mentoring me through that time. I didn't realize how pertinent this pill was to my functionality of life.
Honestly, I did snap out of this depression with the help of my bestie. Between her and Matt I snapped out of it. But ultimately the Lord brought me the peace I desperately needed. Talking with someone who has been through it was so helpful for me, that I want you to know I'm here. I've been there. I can comfort you too. I did snap out before I went back to the Cymbalta, but I need this drug right now. I need the IVIG, the Cymbalta, all the pills, the oils, and especially my loved ones who continue to support me. And. it's. okay.
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came over me;
I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
“Lord, save me!”
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
This Psalm literally sums up my experience over this past week. I was brought low, but the Lord heard my cry. I was overcome by distress and sorrow; I did not want to live. And as a good friend reminded me, as a Christian, knowing you are going to be with God makes it easier to feel this way. Philippians 1:21 Paul says, "For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better." But Paul says it's better that he lives, for others sake. It's the same for you and me. It's better that we live. It's better for my kids, and for others that I share Christ with. Continuing in Philippians 3:13-14 says, "one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
So, my dear friends. Being sad is not failing. Don't be fooled by the things circulating the internet. "Positive thinking will bring you success, health, happiness, wealth and good relationships." They look good, but they are partial truths, and a partial truth is really just a lie covered in a little truth. The full truth can be found here in Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." And so, God tells us through Paul to think on these things, truth, justice, purity, lovely, commendable and excellent, things worth of praise. Let's move forward to the next verse 9, "Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
P E A C E
You may not get that job, or get healed, and he may still leave you. But YOU will find peace with God. The world may be a storm, but you will have PEACE with God. Salvation brings the Lord's grace over your life, and you become sons and daughters of the Most High God.
Don't worry about being sad. Talk to a friend. Pray. Ask God for His peace. Go to the doctor to see if it's a chemical imbalance. But if you want to be positive in a very hard, not so positive situation, then meditate on God's word and the peace of Christ will be with you.
Joshua 1:8 says, "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success."
Don't think about the last word "success" in regards to what you know of that word, but think about it according to Scripture, meaning wisdom. The transliteration of the Hebrew word is sakal and it means to be prudent, be circumspect, wisely understand, prosper. This means to be intelligent and wise. Wisdom in regards to making wise and intelligent decisions.
Meditate on God's word day and night and He will give you wisdom, comfort and peace.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - Jesus