The first time she said it, I laughed. The second time she said it, I got worried. My home nurse comes once a week to change my dressing and draw blood. These last two weeks she was unable to draw blood from my line as it was acting up. So she had to prick my hand and draw blood from there. With neuropathy, pain for me is very different than you. A simple prick of a needle is extreme pain misfired to my brain. These last two weeks Reese has held my hand and comforted me as my nurse grudgingly draws blood from a needle in my hand. This was the second time Reese looked at me in seriousness with that concern she had.
"Mommy, I'm worried that you are going to die."
The first time she said this to me, I laughed. The first time she said this to me, I gave her a natural answer, "Well yes honey, of course. And one day you will die too. But it will be when God is ready to take us home." But this was the second time. Her concern is real, and it was a real possibility.
"Mommy, will you fight for us?" my thoughts hear her say. "Will you fight for us to live?", runs through my mind. I am not scared of dying and I've done everything the doctors have told me to do up until now. I have faithfully gone to all of my appointments and done all of my labs, tests, MRI's, and scans. I take my pills and supplements on time. Reese went through treatment for awhile and we were both doing Doterra oil treatments off and on. Thanks to Lindsay we were able to consistently do these treatments. But was I fighting to live? I'm not scared to die. I trust God with everything, but was I truly fighting to live?
Friday I went to the world renown Dr. Jemsek in Washington, DC. This man is famous for his breakthrough in the AIDs world and now the Lyme world. I was referred to him by my new amazing heart doctor, Dr. Walter Atiga. He said that he refers his most difficult neurological lyme patients to him. Dr. Jemsek became known as, 'the doctor who listens' in the 80's when AIDs patients had no one to run to, just as lyme patients are today. My appointment was 3 hours long! The PA told me that technically most people are walking around with the Lyme spirochete in their body, but the difference is that their immune system suppresses it. Reese and I are suffering from Lyme Borreliosis Complex. Lyme and other infections from ticks, spiders or mosquitoes have overcome our immune system and loves to live and attack our nervous system. She told me that the regime I'm currently on is not actually eradicating the lyme and co-infections, rather it is keeping things quiet and at bay. The lyme and bacteria create a biofilm to protect itself from the antibiotics. The difference that they can do for me is by pulsing the antibiotics, detox, and using techniques to break down the biofilm. I will have to go through a 7-9 months of intense IV treatment that will cost almost $40,000, and followed by an oral antibiotic regime. The treatment could go on for more than 2 years. It will be a long hard treatment where you get worst before getting better. During this IV, my husband will have to sign a care contract to insure their office that I will be taken care of at home. Matt will have to administer IV treatments and change my dressings and care for me as seizures, tremors, nausea, pain, insomnia, poor circulation, night sweats amongst many other symptoms will be extreme. I plan to be transparent through this treatment, in order to help others who are struggling with Lyme Borreliosis Complex.
Reese will also be going through treatment with Dr. Jemsek. Her treatment will be a minimum of $10,000 over the next year. Unfortunately, insurance companies do not recognize our illness and refuse to cover our expenses. At one point, I was thinking it may be better for me to go on home with God than to burden my family with these ongoing expenses. That way Matt could just take care of Reese. But, upon leaving that appointment, I was again faced with Reese's concern:
"Mommy, I'm worried that you are going to die."
Her real concern provokes me to fight for us. God gave me this desire to fight to live. I have been walking through these trials with the attitude of whatever God's will, then I will walk it. I do believe that, and still ultimately want God's will. Along with that, God gave me this burden to fight to live and fight for Reese to live better.
The next time Reese expresses her concern for me, then my answer will be different. My answer will have a God ordained desire deep in my soul to fight.... to fight for us... to fight to live.
Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,
that he may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.
Our soul waits for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in you.
Psalm 33:18-22
"Mommy, I'm worried that you are going to die."
The first time she said this to me, I laughed. The first time she said this to me, I gave her a natural answer, "Well yes honey, of course. And one day you will die too. But it will be when God is ready to take us home." But this was the second time. Her concern is real, and it was a real possibility.
"Mommy, will you fight for us?" my thoughts hear her say. "Will you fight for us to live?", runs through my mind. I am not scared of dying and I've done everything the doctors have told me to do up until now. I have faithfully gone to all of my appointments and done all of my labs, tests, MRI's, and scans. I take my pills and supplements on time. Reese went through treatment for awhile and we were both doing Doterra oil treatments off and on. Thanks to Lindsay we were able to consistently do these treatments. But was I fighting to live? I'm not scared to die. I trust God with everything, but was I truly fighting to live?
Friday I went to the world renown Dr. Jemsek in Washington, DC. This man is famous for his breakthrough in the AIDs world and now the Lyme world. I was referred to him by my new amazing heart doctor, Dr. Walter Atiga. He said that he refers his most difficult neurological lyme patients to him. Dr. Jemsek became known as, 'the doctor who listens' in the 80's when AIDs patients had no one to run to, just as lyme patients are today. My appointment was 3 hours long! The PA told me that technically most people are walking around with the Lyme spirochete in their body, but the difference is that their immune system suppresses it. Reese and I are suffering from Lyme Borreliosis Complex. Lyme and other infections from ticks, spiders or mosquitoes have overcome our immune system and loves to live and attack our nervous system. She told me that the regime I'm currently on is not actually eradicating the lyme and co-infections, rather it is keeping things quiet and at bay. The lyme and bacteria create a biofilm to protect itself from the antibiotics. The difference that they can do for me is by pulsing the antibiotics, detox, and using techniques to break down the biofilm. I will have to go through a 7-9 months of intense IV treatment that will cost almost $40,000, and followed by an oral antibiotic regime. The treatment could go on for more than 2 years. It will be a long hard treatment where you get worst before getting better. During this IV, my husband will have to sign a care contract to insure their office that I will be taken care of at home. Matt will have to administer IV treatments and change my dressings and care for me as seizures, tremors, nausea, pain, insomnia, poor circulation, night sweats amongst many other symptoms will be extreme. I plan to be transparent through this treatment, in order to help others who are struggling with Lyme Borreliosis Complex.
Reese will also be going through treatment with Dr. Jemsek. Her treatment will be a minimum of $10,000 over the next year. Unfortunately, insurance companies do not recognize our illness and refuse to cover our expenses. At one point, I was thinking it may be better for me to go on home with God than to burden my family with these ongoing expenses. That way Matt could just take care of Reese. But, upon leaving that appointment, I was again faced with Reese's concern:
"Mommy, I'm worried that you are going to die."
Her real concern provokes me to fight for us. God gave me this desire to fight to live. I have been walking through these trials with the attitude of whatever God's will, then I will walk it. I do believe that, and still ultimately want God's will. Along with that, God gave me this burden to fight to live and fight for Reese to live better.
The next time Reese expresses her concern for me, then my answer will be different. My answer will have a God ordained desire deep in my soul to fight.... to fight for us... to fight to live.
Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,
that he may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.
Our soul waits for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in you.
Psalm 33:18-22
