I just got released from the hospital yesterday from gall balder surgery.  I'm slowly but surely getting better.  A week ago, I couldn't move without excruciating pain.   The night of the surgery I was taken by ambulance to Prince William ER.  I was begging for a catheter; I hadn't peed for 13 hours now and the pain was so bad.  As they wheeled me in on the stretcher, every bump from the road and the doorway made me cry in pain.  Not being able to turn my head to see, I hear a nurse walk briskly by, "Put her against the wall, there are no rooms for at least 15-20 minutes."  I continued to beg for a catheter.  There was nothing the EMT guys could do, and they were so kind. 

Once I got into a room they left me to lay there in pain for an hour!  Matt sat by my side feeling helpless.  I started to get a headache, that could easily turn migraine.  I was so dehydrated, and I just wanted water.  Matt asked several nurses to get me water and there protocol response was the same, "She cannot have water until she's seen by a doctor."  As time went on, the headache got worse.  I thought, if this headache turns migraine, then I throw up and I can't throw up with all of this stomach and gallbladder pain and surgery.  So I buzzed the nurse in again, and to no avail she gives me her same protocol response.  Mind you, it's a different nurse every time.  Then a nurse comes in and slaps a bed pan beside me and says, "just in case you throw up."  I was so mad at this point and buzzed the nurse in one last time.  This time a sweet lady comes in with six tiny ice cubes.  It certainly sufficed me. 

Once they got an IV going and pain medicine in, I was much calmer.  I still couldn't hardly move, but at least the pain was now bearable.   Matt tried to get me admitted to the hospital, but they insisted on releasing me at 330 am.  They sent me home with a different pain medicine, that helped me get through the next few days.  Matt was amazing and he helped me doing everything like I was 90 years old!

Friday rolls around and I'm not better.  I started having shortness of breath.  So my mother in law told Matt to take me back to the ER and insist that they admit me.  Gratefully they admitted me at 200 am that night.  They got me on an IV and pain meds.   

 As the surgeons still could not give me an answer as to why I've been in such pain, Dr. Abidin could. I finally talked to him yesterday!!  He said that absolutely I should be in that much pain given my circumstances.  He said that with the chronic inflammation and the fact that they had to cut my gallbladder away from my stomach and scar tissue etc.  And not only that, I have an underlying immune deficiency (some type of auto immune disorder).  Just b/c my immune deficiency isn't named, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  I love Abidin.  He always gives me hope.  

Let me just show you God's glory in this.  Even through the surgery and the doctors and ER visits and the struggles to get me admitted.  The Lord still whispers my name.  When it's hard to see how He's there and when things are at there worst.  I can't see how they could get better!!  But He's there quietly, patiently waiting with me.  None of those doctors could give me answers.  All they could say was that 99.9% of people recover easily from this surgery.  Well, what about the others?  I'm part of that .1% that they don't even want to deal with.  But God does.  The doctor literally told me that patients like me frustrate them.  They like cookie cutter patients.  1 cor 1:27 says, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."  He cares for you and me.  He cares about the remnant, the left behind.  So, after drs and nurses not being able to give me answers, Dr. Abidin could.  God led Stephanie to our church for me, for this time in my life.  I have tears in my eyes typing this.  Stephanie is my Esther, she is here for my deliverance.  She is here "for such a time as this."  She has given me hope with her story and with her Doctor (Abidin).  So when no one could give me answers, I had a 2 minute conversation with dr. Abidin who gave me the hope I needed.  I heard Jesus say to me, "I haven't forgotten you Sarah."  I am here.  

Have you ever woke up and wondered... How did I get here?  It's not like you did anything to cause this.  This happened to you.  You are the victim.  You start wondering, did I ever really have control of my life? 

Do we really get what it means to take up our cross?  Do I really get it?  Matthew 16:24 says, Then Jesus said to his disciples "Whoever wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me."  

When Jesus carried His cross, I imagine the very people who used to listen to him, beating him.  They beat him while he carried this oddly shaped heavy object.  He pushed on.  He said, "Not my will, but your will Father."  His eyes were on the Father, while people beat him, and mocked him.  "Save yourself if you are the King of the Jews," they would say.  

What does this mean for you and me?  Here's a picture of Christ keeping His eyes on the Father and knowing that what He was doing was the Father's will for His life.  Christ's life was given because of God's LOVE for us.  Yet the very same people that beat and mocked him, were the people that God gave His son for.  Can we even fathom what it means to take up our cross like Jesus did?  Jesus did three things that we can learn from.  First He kept His eyes on the Father, and second He focused, not on His own will for His life but the Father's will.  And, lastly, he focused on His love for US!  Jesus says, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."
  
I keep thinking.... did I really know what it meant to take up my cross daily and follow him?  I think I'm starting to have a vague understanding, and He's showing me more and more.  I just imagine God Himself, in the form of a man, being beaten while carrying His cross. I don't think anyone can fully grasp what this was like for Jesus, but He tells us to "take up our cross".  Today I want to focus on God's will, and why he is allowing these things in my life.  The Lord allows us to suffer so that others might see Christ through our lives.  In order to take up our cross, we must keep our eyes on Christ, focus on God's will for our life, not our own.  And lastly, focus on the lives that will be touched through what God is doing in your life.  


So when life it getting you down, remember what Jesus said.  John 16:33 says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world!"

Be encouraged today.  He has already overcome the world!!  

I just got word that I need to have my gallbladder out.  I have been suffering for awhile now. 

Let me just tell you how God works.  Sometimes, when we pray and there's no answer; there's a reason.  God why aren't you moving?  I'm asking for healing, and you are my healer, my Jehovah Rapha.  Where are you?  I'm going to choose to trust you, that you know what's best for me. 

After my lovely colonoscopy on Thursday, Dr. Park referred me to have a Hida Scan.  This is a scan that can detect whether the gallbladder is functioning correctly.  After all the ER visits, and the John's Hopkins, why did no one suggest I have this done?  Based on my symptoms, it made sense.

I will tell you why.  Yesterday, when I went in for this Hida Scan, I had a sweet lady who loved to chat.  I told her my story and she was amazed at what I had been through.  She then proceeded to tell me that I had come in for my test AT... THE... PERFECT... TIME.  Wow.  God. is. good.  She said that for the last two months there has been a shortage of the injection needed for this test to be done accurately.  She said that many hospitals were turning patients away.  Some hospitals were even substituting Ensure and other things that would perform the test, but not accurately.  The shortage ended... LAST WEEK!!  If I had it done before, I could have had a false negative.  But God knew what's best, and He had me wait for the PERFECT TIME!

So, when you want to know where God is, then just wait, keep praying, keep trusting Him.  OUR GOD NEVER FAILS!!!  Trust Him for His PERFECT timing.

Recently I was diagnosed with major food allergies.  I've been having a lot of health issues for the past 2  and 1/2 years, and major issues for the last 6 months.  I have been desperately seeking doctors help for the past 2 months.  After multiple doctor visits, ER visits, and a couple of visits to Johns Hopkins the Lord led me to two very particular doctors.  The most important doctor is Dr. Abidin of Metropolitan ENT.  Let me describe how the Lord led me to this man.

I was working a community day with two sweet ladies from our church on a Saturday right after I was in John's Hopkins emergency room.  I was discussing with Stephanie about my situation and how no doctor could find anything.  It was quite embarrassing going from doctor to doctor finding no answers.  Stephanie began to share her story with me, how the same thing had happened to her children.  It was encouraging to know that someone had been through a similar situation and had successfully found an answer and treatment.  The next day Stephanie e-mailed me telling me that she got in to see her doctor that saved her kids lives, just to discuss my case.  I was so amazed by her compassion for me!  She told me how difficult is was to get in within six weeks to see this doctor.  And it was a miracle of God that she was able to get in immediately!  In the mean time, my mother came up to take me to the long awaited John's Hopkins appointment that all previous doctors were telling me to go to.  I had a migraine that morning and was throwing up on the way to the appointment.  When I stepped foot into this mans office, he took one look at my medical records and said, "Why are you here and who sent you?"  He was not happy with the doctor who originally referred me.  Another door had been slammed in my face.  When I got home, I emailed Stephanie telling her not to go through with Dr. Abidin.  I told her I was done.  No more doctors.  I was tired, embarrassed, frustrated.  Stephanie refused to let me quit.  She met with Dr Abidin and e-mailed me that he wanted to see me.  He even apologized on behalf of John's Hopkins for that man who turned me away (Abidin is from John's Hopkins).  I read her e-mail and immediately called for an appointment.  Naturally they said that they couldn't get me in for a month.  I took the appointment.  My mom told me to call back to get on the cancellation list (thank you mama.)  I did just that.  Not even 30 seconds went by after I got off of the phone and the receptionist said, "Sarah" (like she had known me forever), "I just got a cancellation for today at 11am."  Praise Jesus!!  It was amazing how God just flew the doors wide open.  I got Reese (my 2 year old) in the car and headed to Alexandria (45-50 minutes away).  On the way, Reese started saying Livvy Lu, as she recognized the scenery towards her best friends house.  I thought, "Amber!"  I called Amber and sure enough she was able to keep Reese while I went to my appointment.  I drove into the parking lot and a car was pulling out of a space.  The parking lot was full with cars roaming around for spaces.  I just looked up to the Lord and said, "God you are opening doors for me to see this man.  This is where your hand is, so I'm trusting that he will be able to help me."  I saw Dr. Abidin and sure enough, this man was like a real life Dr. House!  He had me on the right track. The Lord had led me to an answer!

Fast forward to my preliminary diagnosis.  I saw Dr. Abidin this past Friday and he tested me for food allergies.  Apparently I'm allergic to wheat, corn, rice and milk.  This has been the problem, the culprit all along and no one could catch it.  I even had a neurologist that diagnosed me with depression symptoms.  Needless to say this was a frustrating process finding the root of my problem. 

Let's get to the point of the post.  Food allergy awareness. You might say that since this has all happened to me, that I will now be a food allergy awareness advocate.  You might say that I will spend my life advocating for health and against genetically changed foods.  You might say that I will make it my life goal making sure my kids don't consume the foods that hurt me.  Well, you're wrong.  I mentioned that the food was the root of my problem.  Well, it is... in this life.  But it's still a symptom, not the root.  Many of the doctors wanted to treat my symptoms, not the root.  Dr. Abidin got to the root of what was causing my symptoms.  Dr. Abidin is a believer in Christ and has not only medical wisdom, but godly wisdom.  I attribute his knowledge to the fact that God gave him his gift and also that God gave him his wisdom.  Again, the root is the allergy to food... in this life.  What about eternity?  What does it matter whether I'm healed now?  I still die.... eventually.  The allergy to food is the symptom when it comes to eternity.  The reason we have allergy, disease, decay, cancer and ultimately death is because of the curse on humanity... sin.  The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23).  We all die because we have been cursed because Adam (the first man) sinned against God (Romans 5:12).  The root of all this is sin.  So how do we treat the root of our condition?  Because of Adam, one man brought sin and death.  But thank God for Jesus Christ!  He came to give us life.  He is the treatment for the root of our condition.  Jesus bore our sins on the cross and died for you and me. 

Do you want to know what I will spend my life advocating for then?

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son, that whosoever believes in him shall not die, but have eternal life.  

After 12 chapters, Solomon brings the book to a close with a simple conclusion:
Ecclesiastes 12:13 and 14
Now all has been heard;
    here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
    for this is the duty of all mankind.
14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,
    including every hidden thing,
    whether it is good or evil.

So we all share the same destiny.  Good or bad, right or wrong, we all die.  So what matters in this life has everything to do with death.  It happens to all of us, some sooner than others, but there's no escaping it.  The Lord has the whole world in His hands!  Trust in Him, because He has the key to your destiny.  If you believe in Christ, that He died for your sins, then He will save you in this life and in the next. 
Mark 8:36 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?
You work hard, raise your children right, pay your house off, retire well, and pat yourself on the back for the life that you have made for yourself.  What's next?  Are you certain about death?  Does it scare you?  What if you had peace over death?  I do!  I'm not scared to die.  I have blessed assurance that my eternal destiny is in heaven with Christ because He died for me and you.  He died to be the ultimate perfect sacrifice for our sins.  If you believe in Him, then Christ's righteousness will be your righteousness.  The Father will see you as perfect and holy and you will live eternally with Him

1 The words of the Teacher,a]">[a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:

2 “Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”

3 What do people gain from all their labors
    at which they toil under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
    but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
    and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south
    and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
    ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea,
    yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
    there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome,
    more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
    nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9 What has been will be again,
    what has been done will be done again;
    there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there anything of which one can say,
    “Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
    it was here before our time.
11 No one remembers the former generations,
    and even those yet to come
will not be remembered
    by those who follow them.

The book of Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books in the Bible.  It brings you back to the bareness of life and what it all means.  Solomon puts it in perspective for us.  He takes us back to the basics, "What's the point of all of this?"  We all know that we will die someday, yet we work hard in this life trying to attain the riches of this life.  As a typical Mom On Go, I strive to be a great wife and mother and a successful business woman.  Day after day I strive in this life for the things of this life.  Yet Solomon, the richest and wisest man to ever live calls this life "MEANINGLESS!"  How does that make you feel?  Does it make you wonder what in the world is all of this for? 

There is an answer!!!  Stay tuned...

I'm going to be blogging about my life, trials, successes and simply what the Lord is doing in my life and the lives around me!  Please join me if you want encouragement from God's word.  I plan to post every other day or every 3 days.  Please feel free to comment.  However, please use your comments to edify others, not to put anyone down. 

I'm going to start with James 1:2-8
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

It's hard to consider it JOY to encounter trials.  That kind of joy only comes from God Himself.  As I'm going through some very real trials, I know that there is a higher purpose like growing my faith and giving me endurance in this life.  Try to be a Mom On Go when life is physically kicking you in the butt!!  My health has taken a toll on me lately, and I'm desperately seeking what's wrong and how to get fixed.  I mean, I started a company called Mom On Go, I can't be knocked down.  Hahaha!  Through this, the Lord is teaching me to put my family first and to carefully prioritize my life.  To all of you Mom's On Go struggling with your health, pick your head up and ask for strength to get through the day the best you can.  There's always a higher purpose, but continue to focus on the important things in life, God first, hubby next and then your sweet babies.  All of the other things will find away to fall into place.  As you go through this difficult time in your life, pray that God gives you wisdom in your situation and how you can help others as well.  This is the place that I'm at; I'm suffering physically, yet I'm seeking the Lord for spiritual wisdom.  In turn, I want to be the best mom I can be despite any circumstances I may face.

Praying for you today!!