The drafts of the blog posts that I "start" keep piling up.  This may be another draft, or not.  A lot of my drafts tend to be the candid, tell all, story of my life.  I never want to come across as complaining or even hopeless, but sometimes the truth of my life feels that way.  Two weeks ago I started to have near fainting spells.  I have felt weak in the past, almost daily, but near fainting was a newer experience.  I would be walking and then life would just start to leave my body; I'd grab onto walls for safety.  I was able to get myself to a couch or a bed to keep the inevitable from occurring.  Then one day,  I stood up feeling quite faint, I had too much to do.  I didn't have time for this.  I continued and in a matter of ten minutes of picking up toys and attempting to clean my kitchen, my heart pounded so fast out of my chest I could feel it in my head.  I barely made my way up to my bedroom grasping for my heart monitor.  My heart rate was 168 beats per minute.  I laid in my bed asking the kids to help do the "do" that was so important (cleaning up toys).  It took almost an hour for me to monitor my heart down to 102 beats per minute (although time is hard to gauge).   I believe a resting heart rate is supposed to be 70 bpm, but I was satisfied with 102 due to my lyme.  I've had a few of these episodes, and I've learnt that I likely have POTS (thanks to fellow lymie Trish Knight).

I contacted my lyme doctor, and she put me back on IV antibiotics that I administer myself twice per day.  I'm thankful that I have a doctor who knows what to do.  

My point is not to complain or to seem hopeless, as I feel many of my drafts start that way. Rather, my point is to share my gratitude.  These last couple of days I have stopped to thank God for a heart beat, and for a breath.  These are the involuntary movements and survival mechanisms that we don't even realize are there, and we take them for granted.  I'm being candid when I say that I have felt like I'm counting down my days, not years.  I don't know what the Lord holds in the nearest future, but I do know this... life is much better.... living... knowing that you are dying.  So why do you think I would say this?  Well because you start to think about the people around you through the eyes of Christ.  It's not about what people think of you or how you look or what you're wearing; It's about the souls around you.  What in this life matters?  Because you know what? we should all be aware of the fact that... we are all dying. 
I'm dying... but the Lord renews my spirit more and more each day.  I'm living and growing and becoming closer to Him.  I couldn't ask for anything more.  And I thank God everyday for my heart beating 115,200 every day  and my 20,000  breaths I take every single day (thanks to google for the approximations).  And every time I lay down, my body tremors with involuntary movements, and daily my belly struggles to hold itself up.  These are the things we didn't even know our body actually involuntarily does to keep us alive.  They are called involuntary movements, and rightly so.  They are not willed by us, but by God.  They are controlled by the brain, but God ultimately is Sovereign over our life.  

And so, as I walk around with a damaged brain, a brain that struggles in the involuntary movement department, I lay my very life in the hands of the Almighty God.  I owe every single breath, every heart beat, every bowel movement, every thought or memory to my Father.  

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Life is but a breath...
"LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered--how fleeting my life is." - Psalm 39:4

I'm sure you've heard the saying, the grass is always greener on the other side.  At least so you think.  It technically means that the grass is dead on both sides.  So no matter what side of the fence you are on, you will never be satisfied.  

If only I had more money... or if life were simpler.  If only...
If only__________ (you fill in the blank.)

There has to be a different way.
There IS a different way.
But it's not on either side of the fence.  

The reason that we are never satisfied in this life is revealed in the curse of God from the beginning of mankind.  God cursed mankind with the dead grass on all sides of the fence, because Adam and Eve disobeyed him.  He cursed the ground making it produce thorns and thistles for mankind.  We were meant to live and walk and talk with God in the garden of Eden where we would have no shame or dissatisfaction because it was meant to be perfect.  God gave them ONE rule, and they broke it.  Disobedience brought judgement; it brought death to man and woman.  

The curse is written in the third chapter of the first book of the Bible and this is where we first see God's ultimate plan of redemption for mankind.  In the very same breath that He was disciplining His children, He promises to redeem them.  Actually, he curses the serpent first, then reveals His plan, then he curses Adam and Eve.   God says to the serpent, "and I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”  This is where we first see Christ revealed to redeem us. Because we can look back, we know that Mary is the woman who gives birth to Christ, who is God.  And Jesus crushed Satan at the cross, but it was not easy i.e. striking his heel.  While cursing the serpent/Satan, God tells him that he will not win, that he will be crushed.  God plans to redeem us.

There. Is. Blessing. In. The. Curse.

Wow. God knew they would disobey and He already had a plan ready to redeem their mistake. But that's not all.  When God curses mankind to die, we may think this is a very harsh discipline. 
Can you look beyond the surface?  Can you see a little deeper?  Now that sin had entered into mankind, our minds and bodies had become tainted with selfishness and evilness.  So in God's great MERCY, He cursed us to death.... so that he could redeem us to wholeness.  Can you see that God is the one doing all the work for our redemption?  There's nothing you or I can do to be made holy or righteous.  It's only through God's plan, through His Son.  We die, so that we can live forever in redeemed bodies and redeemed minds.  God paid the price so that we could live holy with Him forever.  Therefore we have to DIE to leave sin behind, and live forever in perfection with Him.  

There. Is. Mercy. In. Death.

The grass is dead on both sides of the fence because the ground is cursed.  If you live for the things of this life, you will never be satisfied.  You will only be chasing the wind.  

The next best thing will eventually run dry too.

So you say, "Where's the road then?"  

Jesus tells the woman at the well, "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again (referring to the well water); but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." John 4:14

Jesus IS the road!  Jesus IS the way!

Matthew 7:13 says, "You can enter God's Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way."  Don't choose the dead cursed ground, the things of this world.  Choose Christ who freely gives you the freedom for eternal life.  

Jesus. Is. The. Only. Way. 

3 Spray bottles (2 oz)

2 drops of each -clove, eucalyptus, lemon, rosemary, cinnamon bark, fill rest with water - 2-3     sprays under tongue
10 drops of frankincense and rest with water - spray 2-3 drops under tongue
10 drops of oregano and rest with water - spray on feet

Every 4 hours first 4 days - then gradually do further and further apart.  then take 2 week break after about 2 weeks of treatment

We are currently potty training her, as this has been the most visible sign of her dealings with lyme.  She potty trained herself at age 2, but gradually regressed over the last two years.  

We use Doterra essential oils, as I've found the most relief from them over all of my other treatments (besides IVIG - huge blessing).  

Please let me know if you are interested in more information about chronic lyme disease in adults and/or children, as Reese and I are both chronic.