I just couldn't sleep. So I went downstairs and made my cup of coffee looking at the time of 4:30am very annoyingly . I sat down at my computer after swallowing 10 pills in two gulps, finding a notification from Lindsay. I open her text with a blog link to Mary Kate's story about her family suffering with Lyme disease. She's married into the Duck family. It's hard for anyone to come out and talk about Lyme, but it's on another level of hard for someone in the spot light. Her story is raw but there's something so special about it. Despite all of the pain and heartache, Jesus is the center. He's her stability, her reward. I've read many; I mean MANY lyme blogs and there's never been one that's led me to comment, much less write a post around it. I feel a connection to Mary Kate. She's my sister in Christ. One day, in heaven, I think I will know her. I'm not sure what we will know about our lives here on earth, but I do know the Bible eludes to the fact we will recognize each other. My heart breaks for her, but not only does it break; it rejoices.

Paul can relate to our hardships from sin and satan. The more we share Jesus the harder we get hit. This battle is real, but it's worth it. What's 70-100 years (if we're lucky) compared to an eternity with God where pain is no more, tears are no more, suffering no more. 

Each week before I teach the children at church, all of the teachers gather, share and pray together. I enjoy this 10-15 minutes of time, because we get to hear each others testimonies from struggles to praises, and frustrations to thanksgiving. If you know me, you could imagine that each week I share my own. I hesitate to speak up, because my stories sound so extreme, "When I was near death..." Haha! This past week we were talking about how you have been able to encourage someone who feels hopeless. As the circle disengages, a gentleman named Jeff stops me to chat. He's eager to learn more about my life and struggles. He asks questions and responds with an eagerness to pray for me.

I can feel his light shine in the dark parts of my life.

After he listens, I naturally ask about his story. Attentive to his life struggles, my mouth nearly drops. Suddenly I feel like I should not have been complaining or seeking prayer from him. His daughter's heart stopped at birth. It was long enough to lose nearly all of her abilities including talking. They are in and out of the hospital all of the time, infections off and on. It's one thing for me to go through this sickness, but it's another to watch your child suffer so much. As much as I've complained about my girls sickness, I've never even been close to what Jeff has faced for all of his daughters life. She's starting school this week and has a new teacher. Jeff is concerned, so I shared about Lilli's tough change in schools. I asked with expectation, "Is she nervous?" He responds saying, "Well she's nonverbal so I don't know." Suddenly I shrink back, as if I know nothing about this seemingly rough life I'm living. He tells me that he and his wife are nervous though. 

He's interested in my story.

How can that be? He wants to spend time devoted to prayer for me? How could I even compare? But I do. My story is a testimony of God's grace as I battle in and out sorrow. For some reason Jeff feels as if I'm a light in the dark parts of his life too. God's ways are bigger than ours, and we never know how deep our stories go into the lives of others. In sharing, our hearts are filled with joy, the joy that only comes from God. How could joy come out of such hard, dark, painful areas of our life?

Knowing that we are not alone.

We are not alone. God is stable. He's constant. He never changes. He's eternal. But not only that, God sends us others who understand. Others who know the pain, the heartache. Others who know what it's like to put on our face to family and friends.

He's not a stranger.

He's a brother in Christ. As much as we share heartache, pain and struggles, we are connected through Christ. As much as our stories would seem hopeless, they are not. They are full of hope, love and endurance. Without Christ, it is hopeless. Without Christ, we are perishing in our tears. Without Christ, death is near. 

In Christ, even death cannot hold us down.

2 Cor 4:6-9 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are... 

hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 

Satan is our enemy, not God.

2 Cor 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but

what is unseen is eternal.

I'm so grateful for everyone who keeps me in the news loop regarding Lyme disease, but I will admit, "I'm so tired of seeing that damn tick that caused my family to fall flat on our backs." Hahahaha! Could they pick a different picture to start their articles? Seriously, it makes me want to vomit, and not read the article. I'm sure most people don't mind it, but for those suffering greatly, it's like looking at the devil himself. It's like Adam and Eve seeing a snake after the fall. Thanks for letting me be honest. 

Friends and family have sent several articles about a Lyme disease vaccine, first for dogs, and now developing for humans. There have also been better diagnostics tests that are making there way to the surface. It reminds me of when I was searching high and low for the answer that may save my life. Once I was able to get a diagnosis, then I thought I was free. Not so much. I had just rounded the first finish line, only to find myself at the start line again with no cheers of freedom, as I was anything but free from this terrible disease. Now if I had acute Lyme, then sure, the finish is the finish. But chronic? You are doomed in the medical system with chronic. So you have to go outside of the medical system, well at least the main stream medical. You have to spend your life finances away (as if you hadn't already spent it all on the search), just to be treated. And being treated doesn't cure you.... And I can't tell you how many times you just want to give up, give your life up. When you are a Christian it's no big deal, but you have a husband and two kids. But it's in this point that I was able to release them to God trusting them to His care. And then you get up and fight again.

Let's recap to get to my point:
   Acute Lyme treatment
   Lyme Vaccine   
   Diagnostics test

So, my question is????

  Why isn't anyone working on the chronic side, the cure? Why do we still have to pay tons of money because our doctors can't take insurance? Otherwise they will be penalized for treating us. But they are the only ones who are able to get us to a place where we can function and hopefully NOT DIE. Why is the government continuing to lie about the chronic and not backing up our doctors?

I'll tell you why. They have shunned us as already doomed. In their minds, if they find a vaccine, then the next generation won't force them to come out and tell the truth of their dirty lies.

From the VCU news article on the story:

"Richard T. Marconi, Ph.D., professor in the School of Medicine’s Department of Microbiology and Immunology, will be awarded a $510,000 one-year grant from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, part of the National Institutes of Health, to advance the development of a human Lyme disease vaccine. In addition to NIH support, this effort is supported by the Stephen & Alexandra Cohen Foundation."

Are you kidding me?
$510,000 to find a vaccine? Does he need ALL of that money? Can't they find a cure with some of it?

As I write: My daughter speaks up, "Mom I hear ringing in my ear." Welcome to my world. All day long symptoms. All day long, scheduling pills... mine are 30+ per day. I discovered at my pulmonologist that it only takes 6 minutes for my organs to grow weak, inflamed, and pooch out of my stomach area (it's the only way for their relief I guess). So next time someone looks at me with judgement because I get out of my mom van with a 13.1 sticker on the back, after putting up my handicapped sticker, and speed walks into the store... well I'll do nothing as usual. I'll look up and thank God that I can walk. I'll look up and thank God that I have 6 minutes until I start to get weak. I do what I have to do. I have a family to take car of. My days are measured, and ordered around what I can and can't do. Low stress. I've been waiting 3 years for disability, and still can't get in front of a judge. My pride was in the way before I actually filed, because well again people judge. Saturday we all went to Kohl's, Lilli and I were shopping for her. After looking through for about 5 minutes, Lilli says, "Mom I love you, and I love that you know how to shop!" It was so cute. But fast forward, oh maybe about 2 minutes... and she's hanging on the cart telling me her legs hurt, belly hurts and she just got really tired. Well I was luckily able to find the adjustment for the toddler seat at the front. Yay! Relief! So she sat in that with her legs hanging over the front. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY LOOKS I GOT! I wanted to say something to this lady staring us up and down and whispering to her husband. I didn't of course, but more and more continued to look and judge. Lilli even noticed. You just have to shake your head and say, "If they only knew. People will always be people." And keep strolling, because I will NOT make my baby walk on her hurting legs, just so we aren't judged by the world. Keep staring and keep judging, unless you want to think a little deeper than what you see on the surface. You see, we all look 100% healthy, so that gets you more looks than ever. Again, look up and thank God that He's walking with you every step of the way saying, "Sarah, it's okay because I love you. Lean on me and you will feel worthy. Identify with my Son and you will be whole. Don't pay attention to them; look up and rest in me, and I'll walk you through this." I always say, God must be preparing us for something big!

I got off on a tangent... haha!

My point is... If I see an article about someone searching for a cure or the government pressing in on the insurance companies allowing doctors to treat chronic patients aggressively?...

Well, THEN I will be jumping for joy!

Don't get me wrong here: I'm super happy for all those who don't have Lyme :) .


1 Thessalonians 5:16-22
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.

REJECT THE TICK! LOLOLOL