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the Little Duck Wife

8/30/2017

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I just couldn't sleep. So I went downstairs and made my cup of coffee looking at the time of 4:30am very annoyingly . I sat down at my computer after swallowing 10 pills in two gulps, finding a notification from Lindsay. I open her text with a blog link to Mary Kate's story about her family suffering with Lyme disease. She's married into the Duck family. It's hard for anyone to come out and talk about Lyme, but it's on another level of hard for someone in the spot light. Her story is raw but there's something so special about it. Despite all of the pain and heartache, Jesus is the center. He's her stability, her reward. I've read many; I mean MANY lyme blogs and there's never been one that's led me to comment, much less write a post around it. I feel a connection to Mary Kate. She's my sister in Christ. One day, in heaven, I think I will know her. I'm not sure what we will know about our lives here on earth, but I do know the Bible eludes to the fact we will recognize each other. My heart breaks for her, but not only does it break; it rejoices.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
​2 Corinthians 4:7-12
I just posted about this verse, and it was also about the hardships of someone else. Mary Kate, my heart rejoices because as our hearts break, our lives are being poured out as an offering to others. It's not about ourselves. It's about Jesus and sharing His love for this dying world. Paul said it best, "hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me (Philippians 2:16-18)."

I rejoice with you friend. 

Keep on reading 2 Corinthians 4, down to 16-18:
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Paul can relate to our hardships from sin and satan. The more we share Jesus the harder we get hit. This battle is real, but it's worth it. What's 70-100 years (if we're lucky) compared to an eternity with God where pain is no more, tears are no more, suffering no more. 
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4
As Mary Kate said, "We’ve always prayed God would be glorified in our lives, and sometimes He answers prayers in ways we wouldn’t have chosen."

I've prayed for God to use me as a broken vessel for His glory. I've prayed for God to break my heart for others. I think God has a sense of humor, and I find myself laughing with Him often. Who would have known that my heart would LITERALLY be broken.... Like broken.... like pace maker broken. HAHA! I know you guys probably aren't laughing, but I am. Truly. I would do anything, go anywhere for you; at least I'd like to think I would. If it takes a broken heart for you to come to know the love of Jesus, then that's what I'd do. Like I said, "What's 70-100 years compared to eternity." We are all heading somewhere after those years. 10s of 1,000's of years.

As Buzz lightyear would say, "To infinity and beyond!" 

My heart urges you. My broken heart pleads with you... read your Bible. Don't take your pastor's word for it, or your sister, or friend. Read it straight from the mouth of God.

He does speak to you.

He does.

I've sat in church services where only 1/2 a verse was shared in a 45 minute time period!

Read your Bible.

Listen.

If you don't understand it, keep reading. You will.

​The Holy Spirit will reveal the more you read, the more you believe, the more you trust.

Same chapter, now scooch on up to 2 Corinthians 4:1
We don’t try to trick anyone or distort the word of God.

We tell the truth before God, and all who are honest know this.
If the Good News we preach is hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from people who are perishing. Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God.
You see, we don’t go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.
Mary Kate you are in the center of God's will. Let your heart break and continue to let your light shine before men.
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The Darkness Does Not Overcome

8/21/2017

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Each week before I teach the children at church, all of the teachers gather, share and pray together. I enjoy this 10-15 minutes of time, because we get to hear each others testimonies from struggles to praises, and frustrations to thanksgiving. If you know me, you could imagine that each week I share my own. I hesitate to speak up, because my stories sound so extreme, "When I was near death..." Haha! This past week we were talking about how you have been able to encourage someone who feels hopeless. As the circle disengages, a gentleman named Jeff stops me to chat. He's eager to learn more about my life and struggles. He asks questions and responds with an eagerness to pray for me.

I can feel his light shine in the dark parts of my life.

After he listens, I naturally ask about his story. Attentive to his life struggles, my mouth nearly drops. Suddenly I feel like I should not have been complaining or seeking prayer from him. His daughter's heart stopped at birth. It was long enough to lose nearly all of her abilities including talking. They are in and out of the hospital all of the time, infections off and on. It's one thing for me to go through this sickness, but it's another to watch your child suffer so much. As much as I've complained about my girls sickness, I've never even been close to what Jeff has faced for all of his daughters life. She's starting school this week and has a new teacher. Jeff is concerned, so I shared about Lilli's tough change in schools. I asked with expectation, "Is she nervous?" He responds saying, "Well she's nonverbal so I don't know." Suddenly I shrink back, as if I know nothing about this seemingly rough life I'm living. He tells me that he and his wife are nervous though. 

He's interested in my story.

How can that be? He wants to spend time devoted to prayer for me? How could I even compare? But I do. My story is a testimony of God's grace as I battle in and out sorrow. For some reason Jeff feels as if I'm a light in the dark parts of his life too. God's ways are bigger than ours, and we never know how deep our stories go into the lives of others. In sharing, our hearts are filled with joy, the joy that only comes from God. How could joy come out of such hard, dark, painful areas of our life?

Knowing that we are not alone.

We are not alone. God is stable. He's constant. He never changes. He's eternal. But not only that, God sends us others who understand. Others who know the pain, the heartache. Others who know what it's like to put on our face to family and friends.

He's not a stranger.

He's a brother in Christ. As much as we share heartache, pain and struggles, we are connected through Christ. As much as our stories would seem hopeless, they are not. They are full of hope, love and endurance. Without Christ, it is hopeless. Without Christ, we are perishing in our tears. Without Christ, death is near. 

In Christ, even death cannot hold us down.

2 Cor 4:6-9 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are... 

hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 

Satan is our enemy, not God.

2 Cor 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but

what is unseen is eternal.


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Seasons

8/14/2017

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I tell my kids all the time, "life is hard." Sometimes I question telling them the reality that us adults are keenly aware of. Whether you are on the top of the mountain or in the valley, you know the inevitable up or down is just around the corner. I'm certain this is why Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow, as tomorrow has enough worries of it's own (Matthew 6:34). I'm not sure we could handle seeing the full film of our life. Sin has defiled our world and we are in a real battle with our enemy, Satan. But God in His grace and love is carrying us through if we trust Him to. And if we trust Him, we can see

the blessing beyond the pain.

The amount of pain i'm in today, reminds me of this, the pain of life. The pain that my daughters feel is sad. Do you have to massage your children's heads, shoulders, neck or feet? Well that's my girls, and half the time they don't even tell me they are hurting. The emotional pain from the Lyme is so hard to watch in Reese. Her mood can go down as quick as the drop of a hat. This is a delicate situation that I've learned prayer is best. However, most times I resort to my anger and frustrated response. She's six, but sometimes acts two. I know she can't help it all the time, and I also know that sometimes it is a part of being a six year old girl with emotions. Telling the difference is the hard part. I think they get it. "Life is hard." I'm grateful that our doctor has given us medicine for her brain, and I see a big difference. This all has kept us inside for the summer. The girls are really getting close and relying on each other. This is a

season of quietness.

When the Lord takes something away, it typically feels like He rips it away. This is where the pain sets in. This past week, as I've opened my Facebook page, tears begin to swell as I stare at my volleyball picture. It was four days before I had my pacemaker placed in my heart. It was one of the greatest gifts my husband could have surprised me with, one last game. I was so weak I couldn't hit the ball over on the serve, but it didn't matter. It was a moment I shared with my wonderful volleyball team, Matt and the girls. 

It became permanent. The impossibility to play hard volleyball again. Sure I can play around, but not like I did. 

Seasons

I have felt like a punching bag for the last 6 and half years. Last night I couldn't sleep because the pain wouldn't let me. Will it end? Will the mountain top come?

Three cups of coffee a day to fight the fatigue. 

We question His will, the road we thought we were destined to be on. 

Sharing our pain makes us vulnerable. But sharing our pain becomes our testimony. It's our testimony to others, so that we can help them endure as we have endured. Open your wounds and allow God to heal you. Open your wounds and let others see. We all walk around with a face that makes us look like we have it all together. I imagine that's not the case as the devil is running ramped trying to pull you down. 1 Peter 5:8 says, b
e alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

A season of healing.

God always covers that pain with His love and comfort, if we trust in Him. Trust is the key. Fearing the Lord is key. God wants you to call on His name through Jesus Christ. He will continue to take away until we fear Him. He loves us so much as He's a jealous God for our time, devotion and love. We typically think of jealousy as a bad thing. Well not from God, as He loves us so much. He doesn't "need" you, but He "wants" you. The Hebrew word for "jealous" is quanno' and only of God. Let's recall the ten commandments when God tells us not to "covet", be "jealous" of our neighbor etc. (Exodus 20). The Hebrew word used is a completely different word, which is chamad. Run home to your Father, and stop trying to do it on your own.

It's a season of salvation.

I love the way Solomon bears the emotional effects of change through his Holy Spirit inspired writings in Ecclesiastes. Solomon had seen the ups and downs of change, and he was the richest man who had ever lived. You would have thought he was the happiest man who ever lived. In the beginning, he feared God and God gave him wisdom. The Lord did just that. Solomon lived a life fearing God, then a life full of sin and indulging. And in the end he was left empty. In the end, it came down to God...

fearing God. 

Solomon concludes in Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.

​
Seasons for everything:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-14

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Life is burdensome, but eternity is forever. Choose Jesus, take life on earth one day at a time, always be a learner from your Teacher, and simply love. Love people, not things. Live with thanksgiving, as God blesses you if you just look beyond the cloud. Happiness fades, but the joy of the Lord is forever.
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Chronic Lyme Cure? ... nope

8/8/2017

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I'm so grateful for everyone who keeps me in the news loop regarding Lyme disease, but I will admit, "I'm so tired of seeing that damn tick that caused my family to fall flat on our backs." Hahahaha! Could they pick a different picture to start their articles? Seriously, it makes me want to vomit, and not read the article. I'm sure most people don't mind it, but for those suffering greatly, it's like looking at the devil himself. It's like Adam and Eve seeing a snake after the fall. Thanks for letting me be honest. 

Friends and family have sent several articles about a Lyme disease vaccine, first for dogs, and now developing for humans. There have also been better diagnostics tests that are making there way to the surface. It reminds me of when I was searching high and low for the answer that may save my life. Once I was able to get a diagnosis, then I thought I was free. Not so much. I had just rounded the first finish line, only to find myself at the start line again with no cheers of freedom, as I was anything but free from this terrible disease. Now if I had acute Lyme, then sure, the finish is the finish. But chronic? You are doomed in the medical system with chronic. So you have to go outside of the medical system, well at least the main stream medical. You have to spend your life finances away (as if you hadn't already spent it all on the search), just to be treated. And being treated doesn't cure you.... And I can't tell you how many times you just want to give up, give your life up. When you are a Christian it's no big deal, but you have a husband and two kids. But it's in this point that I was able to release them to God trusting them to His care. And then you get up and fight again.

Let's recap to get to my point:
   Acute Lyme treatment
   Lyme Vaccine   
   Diagnostics test

So, my question is????

  Why isn't anyone working on the chronic side, the cure? Why do we still have to pay tons of money because our doctors can't take insurance? Otherwise they will be penalized for treating us. But they are the only ones who are able to get us to a place where we can function and hopefully NOT DIE. Why is the government continuing to lie about the chronic and not backing up our doctors?

I'll tell you why. They have shunned us as already doomed. In their minds, if they find a vaccine, then the next generation won't force them to come out and tell the truth of their dirty lies.

From the VCU news article on the story:

"Richard T. Marconi, Ph.D., professor in the School of Medicine’s Department of Microbiology and Immunology, will be awarded a $510,000 one-year grant from the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, part of the National Institutes of Health, to advance the development of a human Lyme disease vaccine. In addition to NIH support, this effort is supported by the Stephen & Alexandra Cohen Foundation."

Are you kidding me?
$510,000 to find a vaccine? Does he need ALL of that money? Can't they find a cure with some of it?


As I write: My daughter speaks up, "Mom I hear ringing in my ear." Welcome to my world. All day long symptoms. All day long, scheduling pills... mine are 30+ per day. I discovered at my pulmonologist that it only takes 6 minutes for my organs to grow weak, inflamed, and pooch out of my stomach area (it's the only way for their relief I guess). So next time someone looks at me with judgement because I get out of my mom van with a 13.1 sticker on the back, after putting up my handicapped sticker, and speed walks into the store... well I'll do nothing as usual. I'll look up and thank God that I can walk. I'll look up and thank God that I have 6 minutes until I start to get weak. I do what I have to do. I have a family to take car of. My days are measured, and ordered around what I can and can't do. Low stress. I've been waiting 3 years for disability, and still can't get in front of a judge. My pride was in the way before I actually filed, because well again people judge. Saturday we all went to Kohl's, Lilli and I were shopping for her. After looking through for about 5 minutes, Lilli says, "Mom I love you, and I love that you know how to shop!" It was so cute. But fast forward, oh maybe about 2 minutes... and she's hanging on the cart telling me her legs hurt, belly hurts and she just got really tired. Well I was luckily able to find the adjustment for the toddler seat at the front. Yay! Relief! So she sat in that with her legs hanging over the front. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY LOOKS I GOT! I wanted to say something to this lady staring us up and down and whispering to her husband. I didn't of course, but more and more continued to look and judge. Lilli even noticed. You just have to shake your head and say, "If they only knew. People will always be people." And keep strolling, because I will NOT make my baby walk on her hurting legs, just so we aren't judged by the world. Keep staring and keep judging, unless you want to think a little deeper than what you see on the surface. You see, we all look 100% healthy, so that gets you more looks than ever. Again, look up and thank God that He's walking with you every step of the way saying, "Sarah, it's okay because I love you. Lean on me and you will feel worthy. Identify with my Son and you will be whole. Don't pay attention to them; look up and rest in me, and I'll walk you through this." I always say, God must be preparing us for something big!

I got off on a tangent... haha!

My point is... If I see an article about someone searching for a cure or the government pressing in on the insurance companies allowing doctors to treat chronic patients aggressively?...

Well, THEN I will be jumping for joy!

Don't get me wrong here: I'm super happy for all those who don't have Lyme :) .


1 Thessalonians 5:16-22
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.

REJECT THE TICK! LOLOLOL
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    Blog | Sarah's Life

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     I write in order to give others hope during their trials, tribulations, and physical suffering. Jesus gives me hope and spiritual healing as I walk through the fire. My desire through my writing is that you would also gain hope through Jesus Christ. He died for the world to come to know Him and be saved by believing.

    BLOG POSTS

    -The 75 Prophecy - Our Move
    -Zero Fear in the Face of Coronavirus

    ​-My Grandma's Funeral
    -Subcu IG Therapy
    -God Speaks
    -Relationship Over Comfort
    -Jesus Heals My Girls
    -Consider It Pure Joy
    -Search Me God 
    -Joyful In Hope, Patient In Affliction
    -One Little Lie Stole My Joy
    -Our New Normal
    -Depression and Brokenness are Not the Same
    -Suicide - Top Killer of Lyme
    -When God Doesn't Heal
    -Psalm 119
    -The Brutal Death of an Innocent Man
    -I Care More About
    -Judge? or Don't Judge?
    -Religion or Relationship
    -Hope Restored
    -Should I expect God to Relieve My Suffering
    -Vulnerability
    -He's Not Far Off
    -He Doesn't Leave One of His Behind
    -The Devil Made Me Do It
    -The Little Duck Wife
    -The Darkness Does Not Overcome
    ​
    ​-Seasons
    -Chronic Lyme Cure?
    -The Faith of A Child
    -Jesus is Always a Step Ahead
    -I'm So Tired
    ​
    -I Can Breathe
    -Children and Lyme
    -The Best of Me
    -Fighting to Stay Alive
    -Jesus Take the Wheel
    -This Time He Said YES
    -Bittersweet Tears
    -Lyme Wars
    -Where My Heartbeat Comes Free
    -My Heart Breaks For Her
    -How to Love Someone With Chronic Illness
    -Too Big of A Lie
    -You Were Right. It Is In My Head
    -I Don't Want to Win the Lottery
    -Mommy I'm Worried You are Going to Die
    -Dear Depressed One
    -Seeing Is Believing
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    -We Fight Not Against Each Other
    -How Brief Our Time Is
    -The Grass Is Dead On Both Sides
    -Reese's Lyme Treatment
    -Meant to be Warriors
    -IVIG Blessings
    -Positive Thoughts False Doctrine
    -Meal Plan and download
    -Smaller than a Speck
    -More Laws, Yet Immorality is Ramped
    -Think! So It will Be
    -Still Sick, Still Praise God
    -Patiently I Wait!
    ​
    ​-Now I have Proof!
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    -The Disease Is Killing Me
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    -Dear Friends and Family I'm sorry
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    ​-Bring God Back!
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    -Rejoice in Suffering
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    ​-You Will Suffer
    ​-Don't you Want Me to Be Happy?
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    ​-Take Heart
    -He's Always On Time
    ​-Food Allergy Awareness
    ​-Ecclesiastes 
    -Life is Meaningless
    -A Higher Calling


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