I sit as my heart literally just breaks inside me. It's one thing to go through something so hard that few can even understand, but it's another to see your child suffer. But not just suffer, but to suffer from the stress of watching you hurt. I have been crying my eyes out for hours and hours. I will not share the type of suffering that Lilli is going through right now. I just will not. But I will tell you, it's breaking me to watch her worry over me. Friday night at the beach was hard as the herxheimer reaction was harsh. I was throwing up in the trash can with terrible pain, hoping for every pill that I took just to stay down. My sister was able to help me with a dissolvable zofran that would immediately work. However, it even forced it's way up. Regardless of me, Lilli was the one by my side asking me what I need. She was the one standing at the top of the ladder each time asking me for tissues or whatever I need. I am absolutely not negating the rest of my family, as they cared just as much as Lilli and each of them stood at the top of the ladder too (we were in the loft), but this story is about Lilli and her stress over me. My family has been so wonderful all week at the beach!!! I love them so much!!!
So, I go to my best friend. Amber. Help. And then I stop. Lord you are above all of this, you are in control. Forgive me for not coming to you first. Please forgive me. I'm sorry reader friends, but this post is a little raw hence the grammar. Friend, you know, you know as a mom what it's like to hurt for your child. It's easier to hurt and suffer for yourself, but it's another to hurt for your child. I need to fix this. How do I fix this? I just want to hold her and tell her everything will be okay! But I don't know what okay looks like ya know? Of course I texted with Amber for hours upon hours :) , because that's why God gave us best friends... and husbands... hehe.
Today in Sunday School I prepared a lesson that took me hours and hours of preparation. We are building the tabernacle as we read through Exodus, well.... because I'm an artist and I am visual. I am learning as they learn!!! It's pretty amazing. As we were talking about the Tabernacle, I was explaining how it's a worldly dwelling place for God (worshiping place). God would dwell in the Tabernacle with the people, but ultimately the tabernacle/temple/sanctuary/building would be returned to the dust of the earth. But... now Jesus had died on the cross, and then He rose back to heaven and sent the Holy Spirit down to indwell in us. This means that we are now the temple!! And I asked the kids, "What happens to the temple?" And then of course my daughter starts singing the song Dumb Ways to Die. Haha. Because she's funny. So, yeah... we die. Our bodies, the temple, returns to the earth. But our spirit, who we are, lives forever if we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, as we become born again believers. And.... guess what... is so cool.... 'we get NEW bodies". Let's hear it straight from the Word as I continue to cry!!!
For we know that when this earthly tent {temple... my words} we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies {oh so weary, don't you?... my words} , and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. 2 Corinthians 5:1-5
I just smile after I read this, as I'm a little tired of crying and in need of some relief. I'm sorry for the vagueness of my post. However, I'm certain you understand. God knew what I needed and when I needed it. I had no idea how important this little lesson in Sunday School would be this evening. I'm holding onto it.
Hugs friends :)
So, I go to my best friend. Amber. Help. And then I stop. Lord you are above all of this, you are in control. Forgive me for not coming to you first. Please forgive me. I'm sorry reader friends, but this post is a little raw hence the grammar. Friend, you know, you know as a mom what it's like to hurt for your child. It's easier to hurt and suffer for yourself, but it's another to hurt for your child. I need to fix this. How do I fix this? I just want to hold her and tell her everything will be okay! But I don't know what okay looks like ya know? Of course I texted with Amber for hours upon hours :) , because that's why God gave us best friends... and husbands... hehe.
Today in Sunday School I prepared a lesson that took me hours and hours of preparation. We are building the tabernacle as we read through Exodus, well.... because I'm an artist and I am visual. I am learning as they learn!!! It's pretty amazing. As we were talking about the Tabernacle, I was explaining how it's a worldly dwelling place for God (worshiping place). God would dwell in the Tabernacle with the people, but ultimately the tabernacle/temple/sanctuary/building would be returned to the dust of the earth. But... now Jesus had died on the cross, and then He rose back to heaven and sent the Holy Spirit down to indwell in us. This means that we are now the temple!! And I asked the kids, "What happens to the temple?" And then of course my daughter starts singing the song Dumb Ways to Die. Haha. Because she's funny. So, yeah... we die. Our bodies, the temple, returns to the earth. But our spirit, who we are, lives forever if we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, as we become born again believers. And.... guess what... is so cool.... 'we get NEW bodies". Let's hear it straight from the Word as I continue to cry!!!
For we know that when this earthly tent {temple... my words} we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies {oh so weary, don't you?... my words} , and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. 2 Corinthians 5:1-5
I just smile after I read this, as I'm a little tired of crying and in need of some relief. I'm sorry for the vagueness of my post. However, I'm certain you understand. God knew what I needed and when I needed it. I had no idea how important this little lesson in Sunday School would be this evening. I'm holding onto it.
Hugs friends :)
